The Battle Within

I'm giving God the glory today because this past Sunday I've completed something I thought I would never be able to complete. I've finished the C25K program. I've got three 30 minute runs to do to build endurance and improve my time, but all in all I've completed it! I am a runner. 

Through those mind-bogging 8 weeks I thought for sure I would never even come close to 3 miles. How can I possibly run a full 30 minutes? How can I do it? During that time-frame I feel personally God was purging my heart, pruning me, and dealing with me in general. Your mind is a powerful thing, but it also can be your worst enemy. Often times during my runs waves of doubt would creep up telling me to stop running, telling me I'm not worth it, why am I even trying, etc. etc. But every time I just wanted to stop or give up the Lord would whisper "You've got this baby girl! I'm here running right next to you...just a little bit further. Did I tell you how proud I am that you are doing this? I am so proud of you." Simple words. Simple encouragement, and I know some of you are probably thinking...YOU'RE CRAZY! God said THAT to you...Yes, yes HE DID! And what did I do...I kept going. Even when the cramps on my sides hurt, even when my legs wanted to give out, even when the rain was coming down, I ran my heart out. Through the tears, the pain, I ran. 

I mentioned in my previous post how much running was very therapeutic for me. It has allowed me to really take things captive and return them to Christ and what His promise is. And believe me I have felt the wave of pain and in true fashion the enemy doesn't just tease you, he takes it to a different level each time. Running has allowed me to get out of the house when I so badly just want to curl up in my bed and not leave. Running has been for me all about what Christ can do. There have been days probably weeks that I just don't feel like it...last week was such an off, overwhelming, week of hell for me. Spiritually, mentally, emotionally, physically. I was constantly on the go and not knowing how to balance it all I completely just lost it. I was in fetal position crying and just bawling. Screaming silently and just praying for it all to just stop. I realized I had hit a very dark place. If any of you don't know I'm struggling. Spiritually, emotionally, mentally...I'm struggling. I've been in pray about this and there have been days that I don't even know what to pray about but scream at God. LOL. I know right...God of all creation and I'm screaming at Him. But He listens and He comforts me in the most amazing way. Showing me grace after grace. His love and mercy just surrounds me and when I'm feeling useless or unworthy, He gently reminds me that I am His inheritance...(Psalm 16:6) "The lines have fallen for me in pleasant places, indeed I have a beautiful inheritance." Every time I think of the fact that this huge, sacred, scary, mighty, mind-bogging, creator of all things, God loves me in a way that words can't describe I can't help but cry and fall to my knees. I've been a Christian since 2007. I don't consider myself a mature Christian or a beginner Christian...I'm just a Christian who wants to know more about Him. I have such a hard time sometimes grasping why He loves me this much. I know silly for someone who has been following Christ for a little while, but I still every time think of Him in that way I tear up because I honestly don't think I am worthy of that kind of love, but He thinks so differently of me. 

I know God's promise for me. And this year and it's just really the beginning right now, I'm seeing Him really work on me. As a bible study I am taking Beth Moore says "He's building those spiritual muscles so when you go into battle claiming what the enemy has taken from you, you won't let it go so easily. He's building you up preparing you." Whatever that blessing is at the end, whether it be for our children that we don't have yet, I'm thankful. I want to be strong for my kids one day. I want them to know who Christ is and how much He dearly loves them. I want them to honor Him in a mighty way, and I want them to spread that same love to others. Most importantly I just want them to know Him. If anything that they gain from us is that they know the Christ that I know. He's overwhelming, powerful, mighty, love is all that they need. So what I have to say is to the battle...bring it...enemy watch out. I'm a fiesty girl who won't go down without a fight, but I've got someone on my side who sure can do a number on you...so watch out because I'm claiming that blessing that you have stolen. So in your face!

Love to you all!